Let’s Go Deeper
Wanting something deeper from your relationship suggests that currently things aren’t where you’d like them to be but you’re keenly aware that a deeper level exists. How? Maybe you’ve seen it, heard about it, read about it, or experienced it with a previous relationship but, if you now feel this way then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what you feel. Now it’s time to be smart. Start by holding a meeting with the person in the mirror. You’ll first need to understand the origins of your attraction which can help in determining your next move. Before jumping into a new relationship or before stepping things up with your current ‘boo’, make sure your desires are mature, sincere, unselfish and thoughtful. Begin by asking yourself these 6 questions:
1) What does having a deep relationship mean to me?
Grasping a realistic and personalized interpretation of what the words ‘deep relationship’ means can be the most important aspect of relationship fulfillment. But your interpretation of this phrase is exactly that – it’s YOUR interpretation. For you it may one thing but for someone else it could mean gazing into each other’s eyes while riding down the highway without wrecking (not recommended, by the way) like in the car commercials? Men and women don’t always have a synchronized view on what ‘deep relationship’ means. It’s also important to factor in differences in careers, lifestyle preferences, culture, and age differences which can all help in understanding and gauging each other’s approach to dating. The point is – the phrase ‘deep relationship’ means different things to different people and its important that you uncover your mates’ interpretation. TIP: No need to get all ‘Quantico‘ on your mate – just ask them.
2) How’d my last relationship end?
Did your last relationship end because you called it off or were you broken-up-with? Did he/she cheat or did you? Pending on your answer to this, you could be harboring baggage. Humans aren’t robots and carrying some emotional baggage from bad breakup is natural. But always remember that carrying baggage into your new relationship can only hurt the growth of any new relationship and should be addressed ahead of entering courtship. TIP: By ignoring the ‘how’ and ‘why’ your last relationship ended, you’ll be missing the opportunity for personal growth which may also affect future encounters. By facing baggage and regrets from previous experiences head on, it will be easier to reset your emotions and will open the door for a better romantic conclusion.
3) Am I stuck in the past?
Not all relationships end badly. Some are a mutual split and some people even hope to one day rekindled an old flame. Maybe your last relationship was so great (or the best so far), and the bar has been set for any future romantic acquaintances. Comparing a new or existing relationship to what you had with an ex isn’t very productive and should be avoided if you’re expecting things to work out with your current mate. TIP: Some things happen for a reason and some feelings are hard to suppress. If you can’t seem to get over an ex (and they aren’t abusive and don’t pose any physical, emotional harm) then you should either be alone for a while longer or ‘grow a pair’ and win back your ex!
4) Do I really want more or am I just envious of someone else’s relationship-bliss?
We don’t plan for these sorts of things, they just happen. One day you’re at a barbecue (metaphorically speaking of course) having a great time and there she is – the girl from the gym that you’ve been dying to approach. But instead of striking out at the water fountain and having to change gyms to avoid total embarrassment, you waited for this moment when you’d see her away from the gym – and here she is…at the barbecue. She has yet to notice you and, after quickly laying to rest any previously held inhibitions, you snap into action. Just as you make the b-line her way, out of nowhere some meathead walks up and embraces your future ‘bae’ which clearly illustrates that she’s a taken woman. Not only is she taken but, as you can clearly observe, they seem quite enamored with each other and by the way she looks at him she appears to be deep in love. The picture is now imprinted in your mind and becomes a snapshot of what deep love looks like. Or so it seems. Using a snapshot of someone else’s relationship and comparing what they (may or may not) have to what you want from your relationship is fine to an extent. But placing expectations on a relationship prematurely can be detrimental and unproductive when aspiring to a deeper level. TIP: Deep relationships are formed by deep connections and have little to do with how hot someone looks on a treadmill and truly more to do with how they look at you and what they’re made of on the inside.
5) Overlooking any red flags?
When it comes to the list of things we like most about being in a relationship, your mate may score high. Remember, just because your mate reaches all-star relationship status its important not to overlook red flags. For a person wishing to avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs, calling attention to red flags may be a tall order but you must be vigilant when it comes to protecting your heart. Even small red flags deserve your attention and tact. Remember, small red flags can blossom into huge problems down the road and you must therefore temper any subconscious biases or favoritism. TIP: Write down any red flags and say them aloud to yourself. If these red flags sound rediculous when repeating aloud then they must be addressed.
6) Prepared for what’s next?
In the totality of the human experience, nothing is more fulfilling than finding and developing a deep connection with another person. When you begin to feel this way about someone, it’s important that you approach things in a sensible way by giving it some thought.
“Every thought we think is creating our future” -Louise Hay
*Reaching a deeper level within your relationship includes the combination of communication and mutualism that merges two people closer together forming an almost unbreakable bond. Remember, obtaining this deeper level doesn’t only involve getting something more from your partner, but it will also require something more from you. What more you ask? If you’ve answered all of the questions above for yourself and you’re ready to move forward, then the final step is to become more for your mate. Give to receive. No more tips, go and be more! ?